I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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