Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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