So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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