That's intense
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
