I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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