11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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