my soul wont recognize me after tonight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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