I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
