So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Randomize
