Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
