So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
