Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
