Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
