when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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