Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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