her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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