bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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