every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A+ Viking dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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