This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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