Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
