JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
