So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You're earring is so big in my mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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