he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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