If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
