the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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