I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
