you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
