We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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