I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
