meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
