It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
