it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
