omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
