idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
