No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
