He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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