drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
