you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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