Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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