At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
