i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
