The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
