Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
