In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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