i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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