he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
