She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
