I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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