This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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