i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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