I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
