u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
