Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
