You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
