I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
