i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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