His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
