I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
