the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
