I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
