I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
