Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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