i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
