mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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