His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
