ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
