The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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