it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We are all done wearing pants today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
