Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
