i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
