Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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