4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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