when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
