Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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