He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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